Perhaps the storms are simply meant to rouse our inner empowerment,
faraway rumbles culminating into the now, waking from hibernation the reminder of the how,
for fate is passive sitting ducks, and destiny the arms in the winds resurrecting the self up,
believing in the achieving part of dreams, rousing the soul to with that single bird, despite the conditions,
I dance in the rain, and the bird wishes it were me; we chat about exchanging wings and feet but decide each are intentionally meant to propel, and here we are together celebrating freedom from cage and cell.
Not a beanstalk, but it might as well be, magic seeds sprouting the way to giant dreams, and in the center, a sunbeam passes through a hole in a leaf purposefully to reach me, or is it simply that light is at the center of all belief?
Insignificant the manmade pier seems, foolishly leading horizontally…
I have always been one to so easily lose myself, to be lured so very far away, in a painting, a song, a window…
In the years of his cussing at me, I would often detach, escape, into this 1890 white-wooden-framed window… Thank you, Vincent.
I was overweight and often wore comfortable, baggy, masculine clothes. He said dresses did not look good on me. My hair was much shorter then. He said I didn’t look good with it longer.
I was trapped in that marriage, I always (erroneously) felt. From the beginning, it seemed. From the very, very hesitant, “I do” when I was six months pregnant. Twenty-four slow years of the same-old cycle (after cycle), same broken record played over and over.
I wanted to be the young lady in the painting. Mostly because she was far away from the cigarette-butt-and-beer-can scented patio. Mostly because I bet she could hear the birds singing. Mostly because I felt the freedom in the breeze that teased her tresses and hem.
When he finally agreed to leave once and for all, he took the painting. I think he knew…
My daughter wanted to get it back for me. Eventually, I asked too. He said no. This past Christmas, my daughter was going to get me a replica. I told her I don’t really want it anymore, that he ruined even that for me.
But then I realized, I didn’t need it anymore. Because I was now her.
Cussing cacophony chokes me. Into my secret garden, I escape; surrounded by white flowers and open air, I inhale both in deeply. If his bowl were not empty, the words would not be so nasty. A bottle smashes, but I know I will only be beaten verbally. I run farther into the open fields until all I can hear is the birds’ sweet euphony soothing me. The lady left behind is a statue of stone. Eventually, he will pass out cold. I’ll stay out here a while longer, tuck behind my ear a keepsake wildflower, run my fingers over the soft-tipped grasses, consider staying forever on the other side of this glass, but I can’t leave her. I head back. Morning rays have again made their rounds, but upon the wet pillow, a petal has drowned.
But that was then, and this is now.
Thank you, love, for the continuous cleaning of the mirrorsof my past, for your endless patience, for making meevery day blush calling me beautiful and princess, for being my rain and sun blooming me into this miracle of self-love .
I must part ways with you now, dear Darkness; Light is forlorn without its Laura,
my aura is dimming the further I drift in this alluring cradling away from attempts
of putting forth the efforts to swim back up toward Bliss:
I still hope, believe (barely), that it exists.
A parting kiss…
Yes, I know that means I will have to let go, for now, of that dream, but I can keep the parts that were seeded, for weeds they are not; I feel it, in that new spot, how I can nurture it into something beautiful still…
I return to the isle from a distance, leave a trinket, so it is known I’ll always be near,