I slept in today, a very rare experience for me. Well, successfully fell back asleep after several wakings, some teary from an unexpected emotional bedtime last night. Finally getting out of bed around 7 a.m., I missed my treasured sunrise. I kept my morning ritual though of taking my coffee to the patio. This is what I saw in front of me after settling into my chair…
I don’t care what you say, this one was very personally meant for me. And it most certainly was enough, plenty. My Father and Mother Nature have always been there for me, many times the only ones who are there for me. And I needed them both this morning. It seems whenever I think about or start to involuntarily slip, at the verge of mental/emotional health regression, I am snapped right out of it by some kind of natural distraction that speaks clearly and deeply to me. I got the comfort I needed regarding the feelings I had not yet shared. I am so connected to my higher power and nature because both dispel my feeling of homelessness and aloneness. I am not one to sit around and mope and feel lonely, in the sense that I can’t be alone. I like being alone. Most of the time. Other times, that hole in me that so longs to be filled up, well, I remember its presence, I suppose.
I especially like that this rainbow is not whole. It reminds me of my personal journey. Not broken, but still partial. Where I’m at is just one part of the whole. And where it all leads to or ends is not visible to me. It reminds me, reassures me, that I’m exactly where I’m meant to be. That this moment is special and necessary, as were the storms of my past and the drizzle forthcoming. It instills in me an understanding, a conceding, an agreement to return to my more optimistic disposition. And just like that, the rainbow begins to vanish. It was fleeting. Yet the timing was impeccable.
From the blue skies and white, fluffy clouds, the light rain snuck in on some darker clouds and fell.
And an hour and a half after that first rainbow, a second one appeared right before me again.
Another piece. An incomplete bow. And I realize in between them my words flowed onto the screen when I fell asleep last night with the intention of giving writing a rest, feeling a loss of direction, an abandonment of my muses, doubts that I am meant to be a writer.
I began to feel lost in life again, too. But two rainbows found me, came directly to me. So perhaps, I am and never have been lost at all.