Finding My Way

Finding Myself Way

Who am I? When you are soul searching, you usually start here, right?

I don’t think I have ever really questioned this though. Who I am has never really been the mystery. To me, anyway. My self-journey has always been more not knowing how I should further develop who I am. What is my calling? What path should I take? How can I best use my gifts? What is my greatest purpose? How will I be most fulfilled? How can I best serve others? How can I best contribute? What legacy will I leave? What am I training for in this life? What will be my role in the next?

I am still me, the child I was. I still have my cheery disposition, I still like making people laugh, I am still socially fearless, I am still a performer, I still enjoy being creative, I still love the outdoors, I still feel like I was born to do great things. I have always felt free-spirited. If it was socially acceptable, I’d still wear my braids, hanging low on each side.

How I have changed is I have merely added experiences. Every experience shapes us, adds to us, teaches us, but I don’t agree that it necessarily changes our core. It simply makes us fuller or emptier. I, for one, having always been acutely empathetic and so have a heart that steadily overflows. I am confident the source will never run dry. There is only one empty chamber that has been dammed, deep within, but that is for another blog…

I am grateful that I was gifted with creativity. I can’t imagine a life with an imageless mind. As a child, I was an artist. And now, my child is an artist. Over the years, I grew out of creating with crayons and markers. I am careful in making sure my daughter’s flame never burns out. We have creativity as a bond, and in this new, indoor, non-face-to-face, digital-apparatus world we live in, I am grateful we have nature photography to share, and when I write, she draws, and we share. I grew out of creating with crayons and markers. Now I paint white canvases with words.

Many people try to find themselves by looking into a mirror. I have always found myself looking out of a window. Or taking Windows outside. I am not claustrophobic, but I am very uncomfortable when you close the blinds. It makes me feel like a caged animal. It makes me feel like my life source is diminishing. I am one with nature. I am me in nature. I need windows, and I need them open. I need light. I need sun. (But I love the rain.) I need to hear the birds. The sky is my television.

You can find me out on the patio. You can find me out walking. You can find me in the woods. Beach, mountains, or woods? I choose woods. Don’t get me wrong, I spend a lot of time on the couch, in bed, and in my recliner, but I am always by the window—far, far away in thought, occasionally adding to my canvas.

And with each letter upon my canvas, I come closer to finding my way.
I feel more fulfilled and closer to my destiny every single day.

I can’t wait to turn my own page…

02/18/18